sitting here, staring at the cursor
“compose me,” it whispers
with fetid breath – breath carried
on unmentioned promises
the words just won’t come –
their flow forever interrupted
by the edit button of my mind…
interrupted before I can regret
“do it,” my mind screams…
“do what you want – email him; call;
stand on the roof and scream –
just let him know.”
respect for your personal space
is all that stops me – prevents me
from giving in to the promise
that little voice whispers in my ear
arms wrapped around my pillow at night,
my soul crying and wishing it was you –
the need to hold you overwhelming…
so damn compelling.
talking to my best friend, staying up all night,
just for the chance to mention your name
or speak of my feelings for you –
reduces me to tears time after lonely time.
“compose me,” the cursor whispers again,
an acrid whisper sent on the broken dreams
of a jaded woman so many times hurt.
“compose or just close me down.”
a voice in the background sings of love –
love unrequited and left behind
in the search of something better…
something more fulfilling.
here I sit, in this dark little space,
desperately hoping – waiting anxiously
for the moment you deem me worthy
enough to shine your light of notice upon
wallowing in self-doubts and hollowness
only worsened by time and distance
between us – time and distance which
swallow any light in my soul.
maybe just for a moment –
it doesn’t have to be longer than that –
you can drop your emotional guards
and allow me to cross your mind
biding time for your decision…
does the concept of “us” fill you
with the same exhilaration
filling my heart and soul?
biding my time for you to decide –
am I worth your precious time?
I know I must be your best kept secret
as none of your friends know me.
sitting, waiting, wondering –
wanting so much to contact you
and not allowing myself –
refusing to give into temptation.
wanting you to let me
into your life.
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