Poised Upon The Precipice

you’ve stood here before –
poised upon the precipice,
ready to take the leap…
but why now?

what makes this different than
a million times before-
different man, different age
but you’re still the same you

you’ve stood before that door,
ready to knock –
ready to announce yourself
to him and his world

and yet, you hesitated –
held back the largest part of you,
afraid to share the fears,
the hopes, the dreams

held back the largest part
because you knew he’d
swallow you whole –
swallow your soul like so many before

so what makes you think
this man is any different
than the ones who’ve come before –
or may even come afterward?

so the defenses have fallen?
haven’t they come down before,
only to be bruised and abused,
and put back in iron?

so your soul is at peace…
you’ve thought that time and again…
thought it about a dozen men
in a dozen different ways…

so, here you stand again –
poised upon the same precipice…
ready to fall into god only knows what –
but what’s the price you’ll pay?

will you lose yourself?
they’ve tried to drown you before –
tried to take the essence of you…
rip it from your soul.

will you lose your vision?
the emotions and doubt tend to
cloud your views, ya know?
cloud your purpose and resolve…

poised upon the precipice,
ready to make that leap…
yet, you hesitate for a moment –
what makes this man worth it?

Please (Passion's Pleadings)

feather soft kisses perfume the air
with a musty, tangy scent
tangled hearts and tangled limbs
search for one another…

please, she whispered, please

doubt hung on a word, so simple –
so stifling – hung as oppressively
as summer heat in your room…
doubts from the past…

please, she whispered, please

pressing, clinging –
tighter, tighter, tighter yet –
feeling one another…
intimately, completely…

please, she whispered, please

please love me

Please

slow, sultry, slinking
smoky heat rising
sparks flare, reaching
tasting touching
flying higher, higher
never to touch down

please – fuck me, she whispered

biting, ripping, sucking
cloth floats down
touching tasting
fiery consumed skin
rushing past the edge
and flying higher

please – fuck me, she whispered

moaning whimpering
suddenly crying out
digging scratching
drawing deep… drawing blood
pushing back, harder harder
and flying higher

please – fuck me, she whispered

writhing moving
passion flared
collapsing breathless
just barely clinging
flying higher higher
and floating down

please – fuck me, she whispered

Peace

in a dawn pink with
sunrise, swelling redbuds,
and clusters of apple blossoms,
a soul could find momentary
peace.

a south breeze brought the
scent of lilacs and sweet fennel
to tickle your nostrils,
filling your mind with solitary
peace.

silver poplars towered above,
their roots extending like giant claws,
robbing the rich soil of grass and
blocking the noonday sun for resting
peace.

to sit in the coolness of an
early spring night and watch
the shadows move in over the prairies,
you knew you were finally home -
home where your heart can sing.

home
where you can always find a tranquil
peace.

Passion

feverishly typing at his keyboard,
he chuckled to himself.
the feeling he got when writing
was pure, unadulterated fun.
anything that felt this good
must surely be a sin,
he had been told growing up.
he had always disagreed.
doing what you love,
he’d told his opponents,
is like being given a license to steal.
and after fifteen years in the business,
he had become a master thief.

The Offer

a generous offer is what it was –
one that would remove us from
this little plastic and metallic box
and speed us into the real world.

an offer that would place me
within arms reach and
staring into your intense gaze –
looking for the smallest of signs.

waiting to reach out and feel
the warmth of your hand
enveloping my small one –
needing to feel that in my soul.

do I take the offer? do I go for it?
the answer hangs in the balance –
do I say yes or do I say no?
the answer is up to you.

Night Closes In

night closes in and the doubts resurface
once again, i'm left to wonder why –
why i have allowed myself to back,
allowed myself to enter this place again

night brings to life those doubts,
those worries that plague a sane mind
turning you into a raving lunatic –
crashing your hopes in one lonely night…

optimism crashes and burns in
white hot flames at your very feet,
and your mind takes you down a darkened path
of what might never be…

living another day without –
without ever doing those little things
that make your heart soar above the clouds
and make your head swim with glee…

living without ever looking into
his warm, inviting eyes as you reach up
to touch the soft skin of his face with
the gentlest of caresses…

living without ever kissing
his incredible lips as you’re pressed
into the warmth of his chest and
wrapped in the safety of his arms…

living without staying up half the night,
talking to him as you already do,
without the interference of the phone or
the harsh glare of a computer screen…

living without drifting off to dream,
safe and surrounded by his scent –
drifting off to the lilting tones of
the song you have picked as your own…

living without waking up in the morning,
finding you’re still next to him –
that it wasn’t a dream this time to
drive you crazy with longing…

living without looking into his eyes,
touching his skin, surrounded by him,
feeling the heat of his gaze on your skin
as you make love throughout the night

living without knowing if we had a chance –
just that smallest chance to be something
more than the confines of the box …
the confines of the phone will allow…

living without ever exploring the connection –
that earth-shattering, heart-wrenching
soul mate connection that you feel at
just the mention of his name…

no, you realize now that night is no longer
your friend, if indeed it ever was,
for night is when fantasies come out to play
and doubts drown you while you sleep.

Midnight Musings at Ten-Thirty

sitting here, staring at the cursor
“compose me,” it whispers
with fetid breath – breath carried
on unmentioned promises

the words just won’t come –
their flow forever interrupted
by the edit button of my mind…
interrupted before I can regret

“do it,” my mind screams…
“do what you want – email him; call;
stand on the roof and scream –
just let him know.”

respect for your personal space
is all that stops me – prevents me
from giving in to the promise
that little voice whispers in my ear

arms wrapped around my pillow at night,
my soul crying and wishing it was you –
the need to hold you overwhelming…
so damn compelling.

talking to my best friend, staying up all night,
just for the chance to mention your name
or speak of my feelings for you –
reduces me to tears time after lonely time.

“compose me,” the cursor whispers again,
an acrid whisper sent on the broken dreams
of a jaded woman so many times hurt.
“compose or just close me down.”

a voice in the background sings of love –
love unrequited and left behind
in the search of something better…
something more fulfilling.

here I sit, in this dark little space,
desperately hoping – waiting anxiously
for the moment you deem me worthy
enough to shine your light of notice upon

wallowing in self-doubts and hollowness
only worsened by time and distance
between us – time and distance which
swallow any light in my soul.

maybe just for a moment –
it doesn’t have to be longer than that –
you can drop your emotional guards
and allow me to cross your mind

biding time for your decision…
does the concept of “us” fill you
with the same exhilaration
filling my heart and soul?

biding my time for you to decide –
am I worth your precious time?
I know I must be your best kept secret
as none of your friends know me.

sitting, waiting, wondering –
wanting so much to contact you
and not allowing myself –
refusing to give into temptation.

wanting you to let me
into your life.

Masquerade

there was something there –
something in his eyes dark, drowning,
and older than it should have been.
his eyes were the clearest mirrors and
the look was far too intimate –
she reeled back as if that almost gentle touch
was a massive blow to her senses

tasting the first edge of tears,
his eyes lit over her like
that part of them they trap in dreams
and deny during daylight hours.
the tension was there –
painted in neon Crayola flashes
and left hanging for all to see.

their passion twisted and flared
like candle flames in the pale light –
cool, white flames like
that full moonlight which attracts
the lone wolf on his hunt –
helping to pull them through and
reach what they hoped was an endless night.

so start the masquerade –
play the music, don the mask,
and take this illusion in disguise.
as she danced that passionate night
with her only love – this stranger pressed to her –
she scorned the truth of it all
and needed only the lies.

Love's Melody

she was standing much closer,
so close he could feel
her warm breath soft on his chin.
the room was full of people
and he should feel the agony of something
sharp pressed into his back,
but he sensed none of it—
the room was filled with her alone.
her face was intriguingly beautiful;
her clear blue eyes were
sparkling like large wet crystals;
and her voice,
almost a whisper,
was flat as a Kansas plain
and somehow musical,
like one long, endless note
played on an exotic instrument.
and soft—
so soft he longed to touch it
as a child might a butterfly’s wing.
but he only listened
because he could do nothing else.

Love (A Haiku)

warmth surrounds a heart.
shadows disappear forever.
hope springs eternal.

Love

just fantasy
conjured out of thin air
by cruel wordsmiths
with razor sharp pens,
set to carve out
inky scars into
my heart.

It's Not For You

just a whisper sent on
sweet cloying decaying breath –
“it’s not for you”

overwhelmed – drowning –
looking for a way out and
losing yourself further under water

and that whisper –
breathless in your soul –
“it’s not for you”

doubts and fears –
nagging onward –
pushing you into oblivion

and a whisper, soft as feathers,
playing in your ear –
“it’s not for you”

so many times before,
poised upon a parapet…
ready to soar on wings of gold

yet that whisper
caresses your skin –
“it’s not for you”

pushed into the freeing sky –
pushed before learning to fly –
and falling towards oblivion

the whisper floats on,
burrowing into your soul…
“it’s not for you”

crashing, tumbling,
a broken soul –
once again, you feel the pain

and the whisper,
so sweet – so deadly-
“it’s not for you”

why risk it?
you know the end results –
left standing in the rain

with that whisper,
soft as death,
“it’s not for you”

with a certainty you’ve never felt,
you know that this is it…
the last time you’ll feel the pain

because the whisper,
so clear and strong –
“it’s not for you”

and in the quiet of the dreary dark,
the nagging and doubts
scream instead of talk…

but there’s always that whisper…
quiet but there…
“it’s not for you”

screaming, crying,
punching the wall…
why risk this at all?

the whisper agrees –
purrs thoughts into your ear –
“it’s not for you”

dizzy, drowning,
not sure which way to go…
looking for those arms to hold…

and the whisper,
taker of hope –
“it’s not for you”

when, you scream –
just fucking when?
when will it be my turn?

and that whisper, smugly replies…
“never”
“it’s not for you”

finding the arms outstretched,
you rush to their safety
if only for a moment

the whisper laughs –
meanly, manically –
“it’s not for you”

then, as suddenly as it began,
those arms – they push you away –
push you back over the ledge…

and the whisper,
cool and calm and collected
“it’s not for you”

your soul breaks –
shattered again –
and you sink into nothingness…

realizing that the whisper,
always there, was correct…
“it’s not for you”

Honesty

in a world where truth is lies
and scorn is cast by millions of eyes,
you need an anchor to tie you to
the seedier side of truth.

you can always find emotion - lust,
anger, depression - it's all a bust
if you cannot find the special one
who will tell the truth til time is done.

someone who may not always be wise
but someone whose words you know are not lies
someone whose heart is always there
someone who shows how much he does care.

emotions, it's true, change all the time -
they change with the wind, season, or rhyme.
but if you want to know if someone is really for you,
examine their honesty - find out if they're true.

Hatred

his vision went red—
the raw fury he felt
was almost blinding,
and the urge to slam
his fist through the wall
was incredible.
he could feel his blood
racing through his veins,
and his heart was beating
quicker and quicker to
keep up with the surge.
it wasn’t often this feeling
came over him but
when it did,
no one was safe
from the power of
his hatred.

Hopelessness

you feel yourself sinking—
farther and farther—
into an endless, inky abyss.
everywhere you turn,
another wall inches closer
to crush your hopes and dreams.
you fall farther into the despair,
drowning in the sorrow and pain.
how did this happen?
where did it all go wrong?
you hold your knees to your chest,
pondering these thoughts as
you slowly perish in hopelessness.

Hollow

there’s a hollowness – echoing and aching –
welling up from the deepest little part of me…
threatening to swallow me from the inside out,
drowning me in a grief so deep you never recover.

blossoming from the pit of my stomach and
slithering ever closer to my heart,
it corrupts and decays the most pleasant memories…
corrupts the youth of your mind.

there is no escape – your sublimation is inevitable.
this aching chasm will possess you,
turning your world from day to night…
viciously devouring your soul.

Harsh Light (A Daylight Rambling)

in the harsh light of day,
the very viciousness of human nature
is revealed in all its stark ugliness…
the strife, the lies, the apathy –
the total disregard for one’s fellow man

you see the same wherever you go –
people just looking out for “#1”
but never looking about themselves
to see how their narcissistic attitudes
destroy all chances for tenderness…

yet, by this same harsh light,
the very essence of human nature
appears as if lit by a spotlight…
people gravitating towards one another,
trying to find some small comfort.

they feel it wherever they go,
the urge to find the one who completes –
the one who knows the deepest, darkest
dregs of their soul and fantastically
chooses to stay because they care.

in this harsh light of day,
you choose to see what you wish –
whether it’s seeing the stark cruelty
of your surroundings or
an examination of the gentler side of human nature

whichever you choose to examine,
just know that it is your choice…
it is your choice whether you feel
the deepest despair infecting you or
the elation of finding that one true one.

Grief

it washed over him in
a powerful wave—
grief so strong
he broke down immediately.

this was grief so strong that
he felt as if every pore in
his body was weeping—
not just his eyes.

he placed the frail,
lifeless body within the
shallow grave, and
his heart broke in two.

not normally an
overly emotional man,
this premature death still
haunted him.

he began to cover the grave,
reflecting upon the good times with
his best friend—his dog—
as he did.